You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
