Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
is that a dick in a sweater?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
