Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
