After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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