apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
