I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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