At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
