We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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