Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
