We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
