Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
