Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
