The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
