We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
