Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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