Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
