So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
