Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
