i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
