I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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