I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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