I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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