When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
