Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
