the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
