Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
