weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would ride that face into the sunset
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
