Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
