y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
