he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
