Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
