lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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