Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
