Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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