Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
