Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
