I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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