RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I had to cum in my sink.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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