dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
