I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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