: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
