just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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