tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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