how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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