We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
