Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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