How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
