Need sex. Gaining weight.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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