I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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