I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
