So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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